Good evening, I’m [INTRODUCE YOURSELF]. I think it’s important that we’re all on the same page about what different terms mean when we’re having conversations about our students, so I’d like to use my time tonight to talk about the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation.
This topic can be a source of tension, but it will also help you to better understand your fellow citizens and the students in our schools.
First, gender.
Your gender identity is who you know yourself to be – whether that is a man, a woman, a combination, or something else entirely. Everyone has a gender identity. For many people, your gender matches what was on your birth certificate when you were born. The word for this is ‘cisgender’. For some people, your gender does not match your birth certificate, the word for this is transgender. And some people don’t feel like they fit into the boxes of ‘male’ and ‘female’ at all.
Okay, that’s gender.
Second, sexuality.
Your sexual orientation is who you are attracted to – whether you want to kiss men, women, both, or you don’t want to kiss anyone at all. Everyone also has a sexual orientation.
It can be easy to confuse gender identity and sexual orientation, because they are connected for a lot of people. But they are two separate parts of who we are. To quote the poet Denise Frohman, “sexuality and gender? Two different things, combined in many different ways. If you mismatch your socks, you understand.”
What she means is that who you want to kiss and what you know your gender to be are separate things that complement each other. Think about it: you’ve probably known since childhood whether you feel like a boy, a girl, neither, or both. But you probably thought kissing was gross before you hit puberty. In those early years, you were aware of your gender identity, but you weren’t yet aware of your sexual orientation.
What is really important to remember about all of this is that people can have different combinations of gender identity and sexual orientation than you do, and everyone is equally deserving of respect no matter how different they might be from you.
I’ll leave you with one last tip.
When we get confused about someone’s gender and sexuality, it’s often because we’re thinking about someone’s body parts and whether those parts make them straight or gay or something else. Listen, if you aren’t someone’s partner or doctor, then their body is their business. Just like how you would feel uncomfortable if someone commented on your weight, trans people get uncomfortable when people comment on their body parts. So, let’s stick to the golden rule: treat others how you want to be treated, and show others the respect for privacy that you’d like them to show you.
Thank you for listening, and I hope this helps us to have more shared language while we talk about how to create the best school environments for all of our kids.
