Reflections [in]Visibility: The Art of Knowing our Elders

I was worried about it as an ‘interview,’ and it was simply a conversation with a no-longer-stranger, like we’ve missed during quarantine. There was a moment of realizing how comfortably and transparently we were talking, without assigning weight to our experiences. Life’s vicissitudes, getting on bigger stages, the same retail job, and fight for healthcare with it. Y’know, classic queer Americana. I’ve a lot of gratitude for how I get to explore the garden the elders grew; especially being able to enter my community in my youth.” 

Below, see artwork by Christian chronicling the conversation between Christian and Rachel.

As a trans woman who didn’t come out until I was almost 60 I spent my entire life being invisible.  Then one day I woke up and suddenly I didn’t care at all about what others thought of me.  At that time I decided I had to share my experience with everyone I met.

I left behind my terrified younger self and found the courage to stand in front of progressively larger audiences and tell my story and read my poetry. I have met some incredible people and heard some amazing stories all because I was no longer afraid of people that I had never met before.

I met with Christian for this CSE project and had a wonderful conversation. Their artwork shows my transition from someone afraid of everyone to someone engaged in the community and and the world. It turns out that we share a number of experiences even though our perspectives are very different. Their artwork is amazing and tells our story in a way words alone cannot.

“When I was first approached about being paired with an artist for this project, I will admit I was flattered. Then concerned. What if I don’t like the artist interpretation of my story? Realizing I have no control is not always comfortable for me. Then I met Mars. When I first saw them, I knew it was the right fit. Tattooed, pierced, paint on their clothes: Yeppers, we will get along fine.” 

“In a local coffee shop – then a hike to sit by the river – the conversation instantly flowed. I am an open book (well, mostly), and they certainly learned a lot about me. Revisiting memories of feeling lost, alone, and not sure who Butch was scared me. Throughout my life I have struggled with ‘being enough’. Often catering to my surroundings to not ‘stir the pot.'”

“Mars provided me a clean slate to share my story as I see it now. Aging has a way of putting things in perspective. They ask the right questions and challenged a few of my thoughts to go deeper into understanding where I come from, how I got here and how I feel about life.”

“Gracious, curious, kind and sincere. These are the words I use to describe both Mars and the experience. It is well with my soul. As it should be.”

“Being given the opportunity to connect with a peer, 25 or so years my senior, was a blessing. As members of identity based communities, proximity based communities, the human race, and the community of the living world and beyond – it’s incredibly valuable to listen to and share stories and experience with one another. To remain connected, grounded, and inspired we need to meet across lines of time, gender, race… you name the experience. Through these connections we are potentially granted perspective, context, clarity, empathy, and siblinghood, among other things. Through this experience, I was granted all of the above, plus grace, some lovely moments of serenity, and inspiration. I’m grateful to Butch for offering himself up as an openhearted book, for his many good works, and for his bright and generous spirit. I’m grateful to CSE for facilitating the experience and providing ample, sincere, accessible support.”

“When I first learned of this project, I was very excited to participate. I love the idea of putting people from different generations, Generation Jones and Gen X, together to learn and create. I particularly enjoy meeting people from all ages and hearing about their experiences, so it was fun to be on the other side. For most of my life I believed that my elders had nothing much to offer me, but thankfully that attitude has faded. This project incorporated not only the gathering of experience but also the trading of creativity. Someone once intoned, “History repeats itself” and I believe we can and must learn from it. Growing up during the AIDS crisis – and then reliving parts of it with this COVID pandemic has been a strange time – and proof that history may indeed repeat itself. We can grow in knowledge and creativity from hearing others experience and how they survived.”

“The remarkable filmmaker, Betsy Pearl Cardwell, a queer creative and community caretaker shared with me her earlier experiences of caring for and witnessing the loss of her brilliant and kind friends due to the AIDS epidemic, her volunteer work in areas decimated by natural disasters, as well as her filmmaking projects that support the works of BIPOC and LGBTQ creatives.”

“I loved the recollection of how during the Christmas season of 1990, her queer affirming theater friends in Miami surprised her with several months of care for her two cats and rent as she recovered out of town in Lynchburg, VA  from a ruptured brain tumor. To her amusement, her friends created a wall of various hats in her home for her newly shaved vulnerable head. To this day, despite her full recovery and head full of hair, Betsy Pearl warmly remarks she is rarely seen without a cap.”

“These illustrations of her tireless past and present work create ripple effects of hope, care, and creativity. Often generations following Gen Jones forget the paths forged ahead of them by these predecessors and I am grateful for the opportunity to see this gem of a human more clearly and be inspired about the path I wish to make.”