Sally Young and Alice Phelan: A couple who participated in the WE DO Campaign in Charlotte, NC, on May 15, 2012. Media coverage of their action is available here.
Twenty nine years. That’s how long we have been together as a couple. We met in a Methodist Singles Group and I instantly recognized that this person was going to be important in my life. After two years of friendship, we became a couple and have been together ever since. We lived several closeted years, but after our first trip to Provincetown, MA we both found it impossible to go back into that closet upon returning home. The freedom there, to walk down the street holding your partner’s hand, to be a couple just like everyone else has the chance to be was such an amazing experience, we couldn’t let that go.
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We were lucky though. Lucky that the people I worked with were accepting in a company that was known for firing gay people, and I was protected from that. Lucky that same company decided to relocate down to North Carolina and we were treated basically like the rest of the married couples. We got all the relocation benefits. Lucky that we were about to find a home in a liberal area of town.
Like most long term relationships though, we’ve also had some unlucky years. We have now lived through long term unemployment, illnesses, survived cancer and cancer scares and now disability. Life is a daily struggle to make ends meet, just as it is for millions of other families.
We have two things that sustain us though. One is our love for each other, which has never faded only grown and matured. The other is our church family. We belong to Holy Covenant United Church of Christ, an open and affirming church that loves and accepts us for who we are and supports us unconditionally. To have a pastor stand up and say that “God loves you and we love you, just the way you are” can be a life altering thing. It is something that gives us great courage, the courage that we will use today to stand up to ask for our equal rights. Courage to say we no longer want to be second class citizens, and that our relationship is as valid as legally married people and should be recognized as such.
That is exactly what we did say… to the clerk, to the reporters who held out their microphones waiting for us to say something outrageous. We knew that what we were doing was the right thing to do and that’s what we told them. “How did you feel when Amendment One was passed, and were you surprised?” “No, I wasn’t surprised” said Alice, “but I was angry.” Then we found out about WE DO and knew immediately that we had to do this.
We spent some time the next day processing the experience, and realized that when we stood at that counter asking for our right to marry, that we stood for every gay couple that we know. For Pam and Dana, for Kathie and Jan, for Robbie and Peter, for Geri and Cole, for Eric and Jerry, for Renee and Kelly, for Bev and Sharon, for every single LGBT person who has ever been denied their rights because of who they are and who they love. When that realization hit home, we were overwhelmed, yet at the same time empowered.
So far we’ve had only positive reactions, an incredible amount of supportive messages on Facebook, and I have posted the news coverage everywhere I can think of to get the word out. A cook at Waffle House asked us, “didn’t I see you in the paper the other day?,” then nodded when we said yes. Nothing else needed to be said. A vendor at my partner’s company called her up just to tell her that he was “proud to know you” after seeing the article in the paper. Her boss and co-workers have been super-supportive, agreeing that it was the right thing to do, even bringing us a copy of the newspaper. Then this past Saturday, we received this letter:
Dear Alice and Sally,
Thank you for having the courage to speak out for gay civil rights. Too many for too long have sat silently as others have chipped away at “freedom and justice for all.” The passage of Amendment One saddened me as I realized how many of my fellow North Carolinians embrace prejudice as part of their creed. All of us must denounce discrimination in voices so loud that they cannot be muffled, in words so clear that they cannot be misunderstood, and in deeds so bold that they cannot be ignored.Thanks for taking a stand – and for doing so in such a public way.
With gratitude,
Ralph LowranceWe don’t know this man, he is a stranger to us, but his support left us both speechless. Even though, WE DO – Stage Three seemed like a small grass roots effort, it seems to be making large impressions with many of our fellow North Carolinians. We expect to continue this work with the Campaign for Southern Equality until it’s no longer needed. We hope that our experience will inspire others to join the effort.
– Sally Young and Alice Phelan
